It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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