You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
