I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
