yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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