Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
