Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
