So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
