I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
