we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
