Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
