lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
