We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
