I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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