And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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