So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
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He came all over her clothes we have to leave
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...