So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"