I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires