Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
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Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂