When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
