I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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