You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
