You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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