You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
