he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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