If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
