i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
