Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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