You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
