just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
