Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
