Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
