Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
