I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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