I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
