I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
