using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize