How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk is a universal language darling
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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