Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
