You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
