Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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