I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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