my sisters under your porch take her home
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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