Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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