I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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