i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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