Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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