I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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