How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
