everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
