I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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