I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
