there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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