That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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