Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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