nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
