Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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