You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
