So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
