Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
