So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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