The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
