the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
