Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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