Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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