She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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