would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
