so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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