Nicole vs. Life
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
