so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
