so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
