I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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