Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
