I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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