I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
