i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
