Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
