My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
