I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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