My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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