My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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