OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize