honey bunches of taint.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
