he wants to bone in the snuggie
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
