yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
