It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
