So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
