I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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