Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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